Oh boy oh boy
You’ll never believe where I woke up this morning. Hell, I don’t believe it. I kept stopping and looking at the bed, and then hurrying on with getting dressed.
I guess that stuff with Bree yesterday upset me more than I thought. Seeing her again, seeing her smile in my face and be so offensive about it. We’d been a team for three years, and in all that time, I’d never seen her go all-out for someone like this. I can’t help but wonder why, but there’s no point asking her. She’d never give me a straight answer; she’d just twist me up into a tiny, crying heap and leave me bleeding inside. Again.
I called Matt on my way home again and he cheered me up. He convinced me to go to a party, and I thought, why the hell not? I’m not going to let her stop me from living my life, just because she’s a heartless bitch. Screw her; screw both of them. They’re not going to make me sit at home on a Saturday night.
The party was great. Full of very drunk gay men, but that’s okay; they’re good fun. Matt dragged me into a quiet spot when I got there and fixed my hair up for me – the advantages of being mates with a hairdresser. I think he was making sure that I was all right, too. He’s a sweetheart like that.
With the cocktails on hand, it wasn’t long before I was just as drunk and giggly as the rest of them. I wasn’t the only girl there; a few were wandering around, enjoying the chance to party without having a hand fall on their ass at every turn. Even so, I’m fairly sure that I saw one of them kissing one of the guys later on, and a dark-haired fella tried to come onto me on the dancefloor. Matt is always telling me about how easy it is to pick up girls at gay bars; he’d go home with either, given the chance. Nothing wrong with getting lucky, right?
Lucky. Right.
I told the dancing guy that I wasn’t interested – he reminded me a little too much of Cody. Then I went to get another drink and things started to get a bit fuzzy. I remember getting dizzy and too hot; I wobbled outside to get some air. Took in great gulps of it and closed my eyes so the world would stop wavering.
Then Matt was there and we chatted for a while. Before I knew it, I was crying all over him; alcohol makes me emotional, and it hadn’t exactly been a stressless day. Apparently, drinking also makes me stupid.
I don’t know how it happened, but then we were kissing. Me and the friend I’ve had forever. There’s never been anything like that between us. Never. I listen to his exploits; I’ve never been one of them. But it felt good, and it felt right, and I guess I needed someone right then.
I don’t remember getting to his place, though I do remember being with him there. I hadn’t felt like that in such a long time. Oh, god.
It was still bewildering to wake up there this morning. The hangover didn’t help. He was still asleep, his carefully-gelled hair all scruffed up, and I didn’t wake him. I couldn’t. I had no idea what I would say to him; I still don’t.
I’ve known him since I was six. He knows everything I’ve ever done. I kept looking at him and getting terrified about what he’ll think of me when he wakes up. What the hell have I done.
I don’t ever do this kind of thing. I don’t pick up guys and let them take me home. I don’t have one-night stands. I don’t sleep with friends. What is wrong with me?
I don’t know how I’m going to face him now. I ran out of his place pretty quick. I’m such a coward. I feel like I’ve lost him. Is there any other way I can screw up my life and be more pathetic? Can we pretend that it never happened?
I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’ll just crawl into my bed and wait for him to never call me again.
Tags: alcohol, Matt
- Category: 01. Before the End,Uncategorized
